Adults addicted to their stress hormones were once children living in unpredictable overreaction, rage, and fear environments. They were wolf hunting, always running away.
Because in the cave:
We look into the cave.
We smell in the cave.
Then we feel in the cave.
We feel something soft.
We think something hairy.
A WOLF! RUN!!!
Could that be why some adults make it too difficult on their wolf hunting?
Could that be why they often think in black and white and have difficulty dealing with “uncertainty”? Healing is becoming aware of when we unconsciously seek chaos, why we do it, and how often.
Do we want an easy life then? No, because we also know too much about wolf hunting.
We have become sensitive. Then all our misery would have been meaningless. With this awareness, we can learn to bring our body security into the present. Standing still, conscious in the now and perhaps grateful.
If we remain unaware of our childhood past, we can repeat the family past.
Just as we can get stuck in an abusive relationship by thinking we can change and fix the abuser, we can get stuck in recovery by wanting things to be different than they really are.
We want justice, honesty, the truth to come out, and people to hear and believe us. Furthermore, we want the smear campaign to end. We want all these things, and we wait for them to happen.
In reality, these things rarely happen after we leave a narcissist or distance ourselves from a narcissistic organization or narcissistic authorities.
Sometimes the wolf hunting lasts for years, and sometimes the injustice doesn’t stop at all.
We can’t make our recovery, our coping with our loss, dependent on these things that we have no control over, like the court or foster care, but that was what I was trying to do! We must be open to a future and live fully now with or without our loved ones.
It is good to convince others when they ask.
Plus, it’s good to tell your story in a book, in a social media post so that some can see your side if they ask.
It’s good to support each other, with fellow sufferers, to see that it will be different in 10 years, 15 years. That other parents, grandparents, foster parents also experience this. But also realize that it is a slow awareness-raising process. You can have ambition, but also combine that with patience.
It shouldn’t drive you crazy that some don’t want to hear you.
Because if you keep trying to convince, with the wrong timing, exact words, without the connection and listening first, you don’t stand a chance. They’ll think you’ve gone crazier. As a result, your attempt to change is thrown in your face like a boomerang. And the reality is there: some are unconvincing!
Often aid organizations do not want to hear what you have to say about the wolf hunting!
It’s hard to accept that others didn’t care what I was trying to tell them. The court silenced me before I could make my point. The juvenile court assistant’s report was full of errors, falsehoods. It did not contain the gist of L. being with us half of his life during his most substantial period of attachment and that we are confident that a transition to the mother is possible.
You don’t want to accept that you wouldn’t get an apology for the power play of foster care and special youth care. You do not want to admit that you will not receive a correction that foster care sends an 18-month-old child to an institution while a network placement is possible with us.
The network I had built was considered unprofessional by foster care, while OCJ was asking.
I didn’t want to accept that foster care wouldn’t be held accountable for its inhumane advice that even went against the 2014 Foster Care Act.
And yet this is exactly what I need to accept those truths rather than keep fighting them.
We become aware of our past by listening in silence, doing breath work or ego work, creating space for creativity, and shifting the pain of this past from our body instead of denying it.
We’re going on a wolf hunt.
We are not afraid.
Because we are all together.
And we’re going to catch a massive one.
Then we come to the tall grass.
We can’t go under it.
We can’t get over it.
Nor can we avoid it.
We have to get through it.
The temptation is almost too great.
To avoid the pain, to fly over it or crawl under it, but in the path of spirituality, however mystical it may be, no route avoids or escapes or evades the pain.
We can’t go over it. We can’t go under it. Therefor have to go right through it.
There is also no above, for spirituality attaches itself to the pain and descends into it.
That has a healing effect that makes us grow. Over it is not the way of mysticism, because then you just miss the enthusiasm itself.
All not insurmountable, but sometimes it is simply unbearable, sometimes it is too complicated and the task too great, the confidence too small, then a new moment will come.
The task of changing the juvenile court and the foster care service with one stroke is too great!
There will be moments when we choose not to avoid it by stopping the autopilot from taking small steps forward, meeting fellow sufferers, and taking initiatives to further raise awareness. (of our many small or large addictions)
And underneath? Under it? Give up. Bury yourself in it? We can’t go under it either. Also, sometimes we get knocked down, but it doesn’t kill us. We are hunted, but we are not abandoned. Our friends continue to carry us, and we have our resilience. We see no way out, but we are not at our wits’ end.
There is a lot of sadness, not hopelessness, frustration, cynicism, emptiness, but space.
We can’t go over it. We can’t go under it. Therefor we have to and can go right through it. No overreaction, no spirals of anger and fear. But keep breathing and see a positive outcome as a visionary.
Light must shine out of the darkness!
2 Corinthians 4: No, we do not give up. Though we perish to the outward man, our inner life is renewed day by day. 17The slight torment of a moment brings us a surpassing, everlasting fulness of glory. 18 We look not to the visible but to the invisible; what we see passes away, the hidden things last forever.
We are bombarded on all sides, but they do not get caught; Furthermore we see no way out, but we are never at our wits’ end; we are hunted, but not abandoned; Sometimes we are knocked down, but we don’t die. We always carry the death of Jesus in our bodies because the life of Jesus must also be revealed in our bodies. Our lives are constantly being handed over to death for Jesus’ sake, that the life of Jesus also might be revealed in our mortal existence.”