Self-sabotage is so common, isn’t it?
In this article, I talk about what is self-sabotage, self-destructiveness, why we do it, and how to practice out of it. I discuss how self-sabotage stems from unworthiness, why we fall back into old patterns that do serve us, and the opportunity to cultivate conscious choices to help you align with your future self.
Most of us don’t even know we are doing self-sabotage. In fact, if you ask most people, they’ll tell you many things that are holding them back or getting in their way, and it usually isn’t themselves.
I was one of those people. I wasn’t conscious that I set up many dynamics in my life that kept me in situations where I would hurt myself or wouldn’t show up fully for myself. Furthermore, I’ve now witnessed thousands of people who have this same pattern.
Some ways self-sabotage shows up:
Playing small, like staying invisible, even when you want more and know you can do more. Engaging in toxic relationship dynamics that keep us re-enacting childhood trauma. Coping mechanisms that, we believe, are helping us with stress and leave us feeling good in the short term and worse or shameful afterwards.
You know these maladaptive mechanisms:
Shopping, drinking, gossiping, getting lost in endless social media scrolling. Not asking for help or telling people when we have a need that isn’t being met. Taking on roles that allow you to feel loved like the caretaker, enabler, the “always on call person”, that makes you feel resentful. Staying in a job you hate that leaves you feeling less-than or unworthy. Chronic comparison to others.
Here is the most important thing to understand about self-sabotage: its protection.
It’s the subconscious mind keeping us safe or in familiar patterns that we can predict. Understanding this protection mechanism can help us from not beating ourselves up or shaming ourselves for repeating these behaviors over and over again.
If you self-sabotage, use the search function with the keyword sabotage. Or read more of the articles below and watch the video’s.
Shoot me a DM if you have read an article about self-sabotage, and let me know what you think.