When you connected with your narcissist, did you feel like finally, you had met true love? A felt the narcissist initially felt like the greatest love. Was the connection so intense and powerful that you believed your love was truly meant to be forever, regardless of the pain you experienced? I hear the same story time and time again.
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In fact, nearly everyone who has joined our support group VKoN agrees that the relationship with the narcissist initially felt like the greatest love of their life. This article explains how this incredible connection occurs and why the bond of love feels so compelling.
When we first became attached to the narcissist, we had the deep and powerful inner belief that this relationship was ‘the one’. It felt so real and so true to us. It felt astoundingly ‘right’. We thought we had hit the jackpot.
Over time the cracks started appearing.
Yet, we still experienced the glorious times (even if they became less and less) of this ‘delightful person’ who we wanted to believe was the partner of our dreams. Of course, we had to employ all sorts of psychological defenses to protect this belief.
We were all conditioned to believe that powerful and all-consuming feelings, and the ‘not being able to stop thinking about someone’ and ‘feeling an intense attachment’ must mean love.
We were taught very little about real love – as a safe, supportive, calm, regenerating and trustworthy entity. And we didn’t realize that true and real love necessitates a deep knowing that you are the other half of a safe, supportive and genuine ‘team’.
Narcissistic relationships, in all reality, do not and cannot fit into a healthy description of ‘love’.
Maybe we never knew what ‘safe’, ‘respectful’ ‘reliable’ love was. It seemed unrealistic, too hard to achieve, or perhaps even boring.
Maybe we have only ever know feelings of fear, deprivation, unease, persecution, anxiety, and then the glorious highs that DO come when agony is temporarily relieved with the feelings of ‘Thank God he does get it’, ‘He really does love me” and ‘Now the pain will stop’.
But of course, these feelings of euphoric relief and release never lasted.
They were simply the reprieve between the hills of the terrorizing roller coaster. Maybe we never realized that when we really ‘fell in love’ with the narcissist, something much more sinister was engendering our powerful feelings of love and attachment.
It seems ludicrous and insane to believe that someone treating you poorly could make you want them, love them, and attach you so powerfully. But it is OH so true. Let’s find out WHY.
The Truth Always Sets You Free.
For some reason, I know this article and video will create differing emotions for some of you. It may provide relief, acceptance, and the understanding ‘That’s why. I’m not going mad!’
These people, especially those that are committed to working on healing and recovering their deeper inner self, will see this as a way forward because embracing the truth about Yourself is the only true solution to healing.
Remember that it is the truth that always sets us free.
Since it is being stuck in illusions that destroy us. If you feel overwhelmed by what has occurred to you, and still don’t want to accept ‘it is not love’, then you are not yet in the zone of creating real healing. Because you want to keep your intense focus for extended periods of time on what narcissists are, you are not yet in the zone of creating real healing.
If you are obsessed by questions like why they do what they do you are not yet in the zone of creating relief.
If you want to keep blaming the narcissist’s atrocious behaviour for how you feel now rather than focusing on and healing yourself, then you are not yet in the ‘zone’ of creating real healing and relief.
I hope you know it is my greatest mission to help bring you there.
All the same, I look forward to answering your questions and comments below.
In any case, I really want you to know, with all of my heart, that regardless of your abuse situation, when it started, who it was from, and what chronic conditions you may have had (even for life), the healing path for you is IDENTICAL to my healing way and that of all the other Thrivers.
Namely – get the trauma out and start to see the healing begin – which is what the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) does. I’d love you to learn more and experience exactly how to do this in our free program. And if you liked this – click like. Moreover, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.
As always, I am much looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.