The Jackass Narcissist.
On their way out the door, the narcissist will unload all of the blame for the demise of the relationship on you, along with every shitty quality they possess, and extract and take with them your high qualities.
This may leave you with a horrible sense of yourself and the idea they are off to live happily ever after with someone else.
Not happening, anything without solid roots won’t last forever.
As you heal, you will begin to see that your mirage of Prince charming is a real life jackass who shit on you for too long, and you will use their shit to grow back the excellent qualities you’ve always had deeply rooted in your soul.
They will always be a jackass!
Nothing will ever be his fault.
He’ll never be there for you. Ever. No matter what.
He will always be the sad victim.
He will never see you, your need, your love, your pain, your loneliness, your accomplishments; Everything will be about him.
His way or the highway.
He’ll never, ever admit being wrong and evil.
He’ll be angry with you every single day.
Silent treatments and neglect can and do go on for several weeks at a time, especially if you point out one of his flaws.
When you finally leave, he’ll invent stories about you.
While you do everything possible to your relationship; he’ll do nothing.
You’ll start to feel like you are a 100 years old.
What happens when you stop being a source of supply for your Narcissist?
Once you have stopped being a source of supply for your Narcissist, he will discard you cruelly, callously and without a thought.
Before you are discarded though, there is always another to take your place.
Your experience with a Narcissist has likely left you confused and devastated and while you are pining away for his return, know that he is not pining for you.
Because he lacks empathy, he cannot comprehend what you are feeling, and he is entirely self-absorbed.
The grandiosity of the false self-has the Narcissist believing that if I’m such a bad guy how all these girls come want me?
What he is incapable of seeing is that anyone can gain someone else’s trust and esteem through, lies and manipulation.
Real love and intimacy are created slowly over time and nurtured by consistent action, empathy, reciprocity, love, and respect.
For the narcissist his relationships are one-sided.
He only sees and values his wants and needs; his partners only purpose is to provide him with supply, which makes it pathological.
Sweetheart stop beating yourself up.
The truth is you are a fabulous person.
A diamond in a sea of rocks.
That asshole you thought you had a future with?
Well, that’s never going to happen because he is hopelessly broken in side somewhere.
The damage to his soul is never going to mend.
There is no room for improvement.
The only thing you can do now is: know that you danced with the devil and that given a chance the evil would eradicate you.
You mean nothing to him now.
As lonely as it may seem, it’s time to wipe the stink off that asshole left behind in his monster wake, take a good look within and take care of yourself!
Unlike him, you can fix what’s going on within you.
The Silence treatment of the narcissists.
Narcissists give the silent treatment, because they are cowardly bullies who can not take responsibility for their actions to solve problems with others. They know how to use every little thing in their victims, but the minute a victim points at them, their game is over.
They want to do all the talking and criticizing, but never listen. Silence is their way of showing contempt, hatred and revenge for carrying out their toxic and abusive behavior, and exercising their way of controlling their victim and feeling more powerful.
Narcissists are emotional vampires.
A narcissist’s weapon of choice is often verbal – slander lies, playing the victim in flipped tales of who was the victim and who was the abuser, gossip, rage, verbal abuse and intentional infliction of emotional pain.
It is a systematic dismantling of another person’s relationships, reputation, emotional, physical and spiritual health, life and very soul.
This experience is why narcissists are so often called emotional vampires.
Types of helpers of Narcissists.
Toxic people manipulate two kinds of helpers to do their dirty work against a victim
1 innocent individuals who don’t see the abuse
2 people who purposefully ignore the abuse
Aggression is one of three general patterns of abusive behavior.
Aggressive forms of abuse include name-calling, accusing, blaming, threatening, and ordering.
Aggressive behaviors are direct and obvious.
The one-up position the abuser assumes by attempting to judge or invalidate the recipient undermines the equality and autonomy that are essential to healthy adult relationships.
This parent-to-child pattern of communication (which is common to all forms of verbal abuse) is most obvious when the abuser takes an aggressive stance.
Aggressive abuse can also take a more indirect form and may even be disguised as “helping.”
Criticizing, advising, offering solutions, analyzing, probing, and questioning another person may be a sincere attempt to help.
In some instances, however, these behaviors may be an attempt to belittle, control, or demean rather than help.
The underlying judgmental ‘I know best” tone the abuser takes in these situations is inappropriate and creates unequal footing in peer relationships.
Narcissism, in lay terms, basically means that a person is absorbed in self.
The extreme narcissist is the center of his universe.
To an extreme narcissist, people are things to be used.
It usually starts with a significant emotional wound or a series of them culminating in a major trauma of separation/attachment.
No matter how socially skilled an extreme narcissist is, he has a major attachment dysfunction.
The extreme narcissist is frozen in childhood.
He became emotionally stuck during his major trauma of separation/attachment.
Is he mad at me? That monster behind the mask.
When all is said and done with a narcissist, you’ll be surprised to find that he’s mad at you.
Yep, that’s right.
He doesn’t feel that you’re entitled to be upset about their abuse, lies, cheating, conning, and criticism.
However, they do feel entitled to be upset at you for detecting those things.
Where ordinary people feel remorse and embarrassment for their hurtful behavior, narcissist just shift the blame onto their victims.
It makes absolutely zero sense to a healthy human being.
You could have been the kindest, most forgiving person in the world.
It doesn’t matter.
The moment you stand up for yourself, they’ll smear your name and become an entirely unrecognizable person.
Frighteningly enough, that’s the person they are.
The monster behind the mask.
Everything else – the charm, the innocence, the naivety, the flattery – it’s all made up.
The narcissistic projection.
Projection can go both ways.
While our partners are berating us for whatever crime they have perceived we have committed, we are busy making excuses for them, trying to see it from their point of view, sympathizing with their pain, empathizing, always tiptoeing through eggshells devising ways to go around their sensitive areas.
The narcissistic purpose to create a love relationship.
His goal creating a love relationship is for two reasons.
Firstly to secure narcissistic supply (attention), and
Secondly to have an outlet to project his internal pain and torture onto.
Relationship partners who are hooked and hang on make the perfect subjects to abuse
Covert narcissistic abuse
Perhaps, of all types of narcissistic abusers, the victimized abuser is the most difficult to get past.
Some narcissists learned that they could get attention and control others by being victims.
Their lives become one sad story after another, and they find listeners and believers and helpers to manipulate.
This can be a type of covert narcissism that is very difficult to understand and handle.
Victimized narcissists are masters at projection, among other behaviors.
The narcissist can say any hurtful thing to you, but if you dare to say something back, you are labeled as abusive.
They can call you any name, but if you challenge them, you are mean.
The narcissist can lie about themselves and you, and they sound so honest.
And there will almost always be someone who will believe them.
Increase your knowledge about the narcissist.
A narcissist is a person without a conscience.
If you are in a relationship with a diagnosed narcissist or a person you suspect may be one, you may wonder how you ever got taken in by his charm.
It is not your fault: narcissists are masters of persuasion and deception.
Leaving one or fighting back can be emotionally and physically dangerous.
The more you know about the characteristics of a narcissist, the better equipped you are to protect yourself.
Ex Recycling of the narcissist.
Psychopaths keep their exes strung along for added attention and triangulation.
They use these people to appear in “high demand” at all times, creating competition and jealousy with their current partners.
Their exes can usually be placed into one of two categories
1 In love with me
The crazy exes are the ones who saw through the narcissist lies and refused to take part in their games anymore.
The “in love with me” exes are the ones who still believe they play some sort unique role in the narcissist life.
When the narcissist runs out of new victims, they will recycle these old targets and convince the world that they were soul mates all along.
But the only pleased people are the supposedly crazy ones who finally turned their backs and left all of the manufactured drama behind.
The confused listener of a narcissist.
Lying, deceiving and manipulating are natural talents for narcissists.
When caught in a lie or challenged with the truth, they are seldom perplexed or embarrassed.
They simply change their stories or attempt to rework the facts, so they appear to be consistent with their lies.
The result is a series of contradictory statements and a thoroughly confused listener.
The narcissistic Stare.
That has been experienced by many of us who have had the misfortune to associate with narcissists.
Presumably, not every narcissist does the stare, but from all reports, a significant majority does.
The narcissist’s stare is piercing, unwavering, reptilian.
Seemingly flattering, this stare is unnerving – and is meant to be unnerving.
The narcissists are staring at you to see how vulnerable you are.
Some believe that the narcissist uses their stare to look through you to your soul for the sole purpose of determining whether you are viable prey or not.
How to move on after a narcissist?
Any time you seriously want to make a change, the first thing you need to do is to change your mindset and then raise your standards.
Know that the pain will last for a while.
But constantly ask yourself, “Wait, is this person even worth my tears and heartache? Hell no.
When people ask me how to move on and let go, I tell them that the most important thing is to change what you demand of yourself and to change your mindset because that pain is consuming you and clouding your judgment.
Think ! I know that it hurts that you don’t have them, but never forget how much it hurt when you did have them.
Nine times out of 10, all they deserve from you is forgiveness and front row seats to your recovery, without them.
Ghosting by the narcissist.
The term ghosting refers to the behavior of someone suddenly disappearing from a relationship with no warning or communication.
They just disappear for good.
This is a favorite tactic of many narcissists sociopaths and psychopaths.
They see this behavior as the ultimate sign of power.
In reality, it puts a bright spotlight on the erratic and dysfunctional behaviors that they love to deny exist.
Ghosting can lead survivors to truly see the toxic person for what they are: an abuser.
A narcissistic sociopath is someone with a combination of narcissistic personality disorder and definitive behavioral signs of sociopathy.
People with narcissism are characterized by their excessive and persistent need for others’ admiration and positive reinforcement.
They generally have grandiose opinions of themselves and believe they are superior to other people.
Narcissists are also frequently convinced that they are above the normal responsibilities and obligations of everyday life, so they usually have significant difficulties maintaining employment or relationships as a result.
The narcissistic sociopath has this type of personality along with a noticeable lack of regard for the rights of others and a tendency to regularly violate those rights.
The narcissistic personality disorder facts.
Parental alienation (Pas).
Psychological Violence of the narcissist
Are you emotionally Attached to a negative past?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
What is codependency?
Toxic/ Abusive Relationships
Are you a narcissist?
Narcissism vs self-esteem.
The Cycle of domestic violence.
What is PTSD?
Fear of intimacy.
Narcissist Check List.
- Two-faced, critical of others behind their backs.
- Blames others for failures.
- Acts differently in public and private.
- Superior attitude.
- Lives in the fantasy world of porn and affairs, and dreams of fame.
- Distorts facts to suit own agenda.
- Irresponsible with money.
- Only emotionally available when wants something.
- Lacks sympathy for others.
- Provokes people then blames them for a fight.
- Can’t admit mistakes.
Understanding Cognitive dissonance about narcissistic abuse:
Stockholm syndrome involves the victim paradoxically forming an active relationship with their oppressor; this is called “Trauma Bonding.”
When victims of narcissistic are suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, they are often seen by outsiders as somehow having participated in some bizarre way that seems to support their abuse.
However, to understand how the trauma bonding occurs, it is especially relevant to figure out what is involved in the decision-making and problem-solving process of the victim.
This theory is known as Cognitive Dissonance.
If therapists are to understand the behavior of clients who have been victims of narcissistic abuse, then it is crucial for them to appreciate why the victim combines the two unhealthy conditions of Stockholm Syndrome and Cognitive Dissonance as part of their survival strategy.
When these two strategies are in place, the victim firmly believes that their relationship is not only acceptable but also vital for their survival.
They become so enmeshed in the relationship with the abuser that they feel that their world (mental and emotional) would fall apart if the relationship stops.
Before we realize the truth about the narcissist in our lives, we relate to them as if they are rational human beings possessing a conscience, integrity and some degree of self-awareness.
We trust their words because we don’t lie and manipulate people and trust that the people who claim to love us will do the same.
You give them the benefit of the doubt because we believe they actually love us and no one who truly loves us would purposely say or do anything to hurt us.
You are in essence projecting our good qualities on to them, and when they don’t respond the way we expect an average person would, we become confused, hurt, question our reality and believe we are to blame in some way.
The problem is that narcissists do not think, operate or play by the same rules as us, and our failing to recognize this sets us up for manipulation and misery by default.
Seem to be quiet calm, shy, loving, humble and altruistic, when in fact they are :
Troublemakers who act behind the scenes
Annemie Persyn Declercq