After narcissistic physical or sexual abuse regain your self-esteem!
Regain your self-esteem after living with a narcissist.
Low self-esteem can be deeply rooted. It often originates in traumatic childhood experiences. These include prolonged separation from parent figures, neglect, or emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.
The sense of lack of control may be specially marked in victims of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. This is also noticeable in victims of discrimination because of religion, culture, race, sex, or sexual orientation.
For background on how distressing experiences can affect emotions and bodily responses, you can read ** The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. It offers further reading alongside this discussion of self-esteem after abuse. These book links are affiliate links: a purchase may earn us a small commission, at no extra cost to you.
Boost yourself.
You might feel that you suffer from poor self-esteem. There are simple things you can do to boost yourself. Hopefully, you can break out of the downward spiral.
Make two lists: one of your strengths and one of your achievements.
Try to get a supportive friend or family member to help you with these lists. People with low self-esteem are not usually in the most unbiased frame of mind. Keep the records in a safe place and read through them every morning.
Do some things that you have been putting off. Examples include filing the paperwork, repainting the kitchen, or clearing out the garden.
Eat good food as part of a healthy, balanced diet.
Make meals a particular time, even if you are eating alone. Turn off the TV, set the table, light a candle, and make a moment to feel grateful.
Think positively about yourself.
Remind yourself that, despite your problems, you are a unique, special, and valuable person. You deserve to feel good about yourself. You are, after all, a miracle of consciousness, the consciousness of the universe. Find and challenge any negative thoughts about yourself. These can include ‘I am a loser.’ Or you think, ‘I never do anything right.’ Another example could be, ‘No one really likes me.’
If those thoughts turn into harsh self-judgment, ** Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff offers further reading on acknowledging difficult feelings and developing a kinder relationship with yourself.
Pay particular attention to your personal hygiene.
Take a shower, brush your hair, trim your nails, and so on.
Wear clean clothes that make you feel good about yourself. All things being equal, wear an ironed shirt rather than a crumpled T-shirt, you get the idea.
Exercise regularly!
Go for a brisk walk every day, even if it is cold or rainy. Take more vigorous exercise (exercise that makes you sweat) three times a week.
Make sure that you’re getting enough sleep
Reduce your stress levels!
If possible, agree with a friend or relative that you will take turns to give a massage each other on a regular basis
Be careful to people, and do nice things for them!
For instance, strike up a conversation with the postman or shopkeeper. Invite a neighbor round for tea. Visit a friend who is sick. Get involved with a local charity. Putting a smile on someone’s face is bound to put one on yours
Get others on board!
Tell your friends and relatives what you are going through and ask for their advice and support. They too have similar problems. You might be capable of band together and form a support group. Don’t be overly shy or reserved: most people do want to help.
Make your living space clean, comfortable, and attractive.
Whenever I clean my windows or just water my plants, I seem to feel much better. Show items that remind you of your achievements and the special times and people in your life.
Do more of the things that you enjoy.
Go ahead and spoil yourself. Do at least one thing that you enjoy every day.
Get artistic.
Activities like painting, music, poetry, and dance enable you to express yourself. They allow you to interact positively with others. These activities can also reduce your stress levels. You might even impress yourself! Find a class through your local adult education service or community center.
Set yourself a challenge that you can realistically complete.
For example, take up yoga, learn to sing, or throw a small dinner party for some friends. Just go for it.
Spend more time with those you hold near and dear.
At the same time, try to enlarge your social circle by trying to meet and befriend people.
Avoid people and places that mistreat you or make you feel bad about yourself. This could mean being more assertive. If assertiveness is a problem for you. Ask an health professional about assertiveness training.
Finally, remember those wise words of Lao Tzu: Health is the greatest possession. Contentment is the greatest treasure. Confidence is the greatest friend.
When you want to reflect on your own habits, needs and everyday choices, ** How to Do the Work by Nicole LePera (English edition) can be a companion for exploring what matters to you as you rebuild your daily life.
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Toxic people and their organizations cause great damage to society. Everyone is subject to it and our society is increasingly moving towards even more narcissistic anti-democratic tendencies. That’s why we give you the growth tasks for free. They are full of self-care tips, self-healing tips and options for trauma processing so that you have more opportunities.
Thank you so much for your support!
For further reading on self-awareness and relationships: ** How to Be the Love You Seek by Nicole LePera (English e-book).
You can translate all the text: Are you taking a step forward today with a growth task?
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Liefs,
Annemie en Johan Persyn-Declercq (auteurs)
update : 09102026
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