A narcissist gets a kick out of the abuse of someone powerless.
With this article, I want to sharpen and raise awareness about the harmful effects of parental alienation and parental alienation for the child and the outcast(the scapegoat) by an egomaniac person.
I discovered this parental alienation system two months ago after I saw the effect on a child that before was very devoted to her mother.
When this child was 16 years, she changed her position to the weaker parent by defending his actions.
That could have been a parent with a history of mental illness,
with a criminal past,
without a relationship,
with fewer financial resources,
of a lower-skilled education, etc.
The self-pity of this egocentric person and the lies got their input in her mind and then often result in a repudiation of the scapegoat, the person who gets all the guilt and blame for the weakness of the other when the adolescent is 18 years.
She started behaviour with deceiving activities and aggressiveness.
In my quest to understand how that quick change in a sudden reversal in the perception of the child and the response could be possible for a child to go from good too bad mother attitude, I have found the work of
Of course, the mimesis theory of René Girard stays in the background.
In the following video, Craig Childress tells his story.
I believe he has an approach that is effective to break the older paradigm of an object (the scapegoat) through years of financial and emotional stress thanks to the ruin in court cases that are not equipped broadly to deal with what is going on.
I do not think it is inevitable that the outcast parent will undergo depression or that the long road that has already been made to harassment, threats and now PAS will affect the other children in the way of thinking because Dr Childress is a very decisive point of departure to act correctly.
What has happened over the last 21 years in my own life and its consequences to PAS to distinguish characteristics of children is not just a vague syndrome that can be discussed.
It is a cluster of very perceptible and verifiable behaviour exhibited in a child being, it’s a systematically abuse to undermine his or her own natural instincts to have a relationship with both parents.
Mental health and legal system are, at present, not equipped to deal with what is really going on.
Although the answer to the question.
“How to save your own child” is to help to protect all the children against abuse, and that is why I wrote this article.
I will regularly post articles on narcissism, bullying towards children, psychopaths and use Craig Childress insights that are available to clarify situations and find creative solutions.
I saw the ideas of Dr Craig Childress so late and almost by accident by a Google Search.
However, it appears that the reception has so far been restricted to a small audience.
Considering that if a victim from a narcissist is daily confronted with these problems, these insights from Childress gives some relief and direction.
Besides my blogging who gives me the perseverance and hope to change what is possible and accepted what is not in my power, spreading the insights on narcissist behavior and a healthy attitude in parenting, promoting these ideas as much as possible, with your help, dear reader, coaching a realistic behavior in such situations can help people to become happy and make this world a better place.
Fortunately, Craig Childress has also written a blog and some books, include “Foundations” which can be found on Amazon.
But you can also create a free account and download that book here.
And I assure you this download is completely secure.
Some of my readers will have enough experience with PAS that they can become a coach as well.
Without forgetting the magic, April 25 is my birthday and is also Parent Alienation Awareness Day.
The narcissist can not be stopped:
He has a personality which he expands with narcissistic behaviour.
He/she also seeks to create a situation where his prey becomes weaker and weaker.
Given a vainglorious person only cares about himself, he does not care about his children.
Children are in any case weak in a period of divorce, and manipulating them is also a breeze.
Egomaniacals come in all social strata.
You find egomaniacal persons in all categories of sexual orientation.
And some situations will be very complicated and therefore not obvious to have them.
Parent-repudiation is such a phenomenon, making the narcissistic importance of an earlier priority.
On the emotional and psychological well-being of the child or young person.
If the child must sleep with a parent in the same bed or in one room, that can be a good reason to decrease the contact with a parent as well as excessive alcohol use and pawing.
But the vague appearance of a mother without indicating a particular behaviour points to the manipulations of a puffed-up person.
Obviously, if allegations dramatised often enough, they get into the frightened hearts of the children.
Remember, Mirror neurons ensure that behaviour of that parent is influencing the child because the puffed-up person responds to the imagination of the child.
If then also bought by ‘temptations’ as
“If you believe me, then we’ll do that … or you will getting that ”.
Or if intimidation is involved which avoids the child
that the vendor may show an individual behaviour.
The transferor may threaten aggression or depression or repudiation of the child.
Or allies (like family) may threaten them.
The never-ending fight segregation with parental alienation.
The parent who is the scapegoat feels powerless and desperate;
unable to turn the tide, while it is happening before his/her eyes.
This happens to many parents who are in a divorce battle and risk losing contact with their child (ren).
But not all parents in a divorce battle are therefore self-involved persons.
Usually, after a period of anger and jealousy during and after the divorce comes to a process each starts a new relationship and keep the wound gets into oblivion.
This is obviously not the case with the egotistic person.
That disorder becomes far worse and makes it exactly difficult to start a new relationship.
Finding a suitable victim entirely go along with the story of the self-involved person is a chore.
The psycho-neuropathic narcissist without limits.
But what if the ex is a paedophile- bi-sexual rapist, who was able to escape a conviction?
Such a grandiloquent person has shown that he/she get away with his actions, and will, therefore, make every effort to make the children co-standers, and the children learn that He/She can get away with deceit, lies, and theft.
Such a self-interested person may also be to avoid the abuse comes into the public.
First, he/she can propose a mutual divorce agreement procedure.
And then at a later stage, when the children are at puberty, after having prepared and slowly programmed everything properly proceed with the repudiation and alienation of the parent.
Slowly but surely, the parent who is a narcissist (e) victimised by their former partner in a subtle, but most cruelly way put out the game and worked out the lives of their own children.
The trigger is, therefore often jealousy and fear that his criminal behaviour and/or domestic violence comes to light when his victims have become stronger.
For the egocentric parent fighting and offensive games is the only way how he can relate with another.
The child is programmed by the manipulation of one parent into a ‘partner in crime.’
Ultimately the narcissists want nothing more than the destruction of the other parent.
At that moment in the child arise a period of great confusion and difficulty in concentrating.
The child becomes alienated from his own feelings with the result he/she get a disorder in concentration and sometimes in eating disorders.
Some narcissists get so far as to put their children to argue against the other parent, which in most courts is not allowed.
Narcissists always introduce themselves as victims and exhibit behaviour of self-pity.
If his message is repeated hundreds of times it has been instilled in the child, he succeeds.
In the end, the child, of course, can be easily put into a state of self-pity because what is happening is entirely unnatural, and the child moves to a symbiotic partner.
Then often, the child repeats the vague accusations in writing ‘testimonials.’ because the self-involved parent is playing the game of temptation with charming words, sleeping together and presents.
The rejected parent gets nowhere hearing:
No one understands it because he/she is depressed, missing the children, was already isolated.
Most community and social workers, after all, know too little of psychopathic, borderline, egocentric behaviour and personality disorder.
Indeed, this parent is seen as the ‘bad’ parent, as a loser because – as is expected – if your children want no further contact with you, there must be something going on terrible with that person!
After all the ego-maniacal person seems to be friendly and appears to have confidence, he/she feels like the winner.
Children love their parents unconditionally, and their loyalty is rooted.
After a divorce, a child also wants one thing:
feel free to have unimpeded contact with both parents.
This is normal and inspired by nature; children have both parents desperately need to develop healthy and balanced.
But what if one or both parents have a severe personality disorder?
Symptoms of parental alienation are not recognised.
When you come into a court trotting with that stories they do sit with open mouth, listen in disbelief and sweep this under the table for such a monster cannot be a single father.
Narcissists know to bring their story well, they are, after all, their own God.
You do not stand a chance to escape from their clutches!
And who is this the victim?
The children who have to suffer the rest of their lives under the yoke of a psychiatric sample ….
They are so scared and what is worse: they think this is normal.
Completely brainwashed and nobody sees or recognises…
If a child after a divorce or even after five years after a divorce, suddenly ‘of itself’ says it does not want to see the non-resident parent without good reason or indicating that the parent is no longer needed at major events in the child’s life without good reason, then alarm bells should be ringing.
As an example: The change of the choice of school without the parent who has/had custody over the child is familiar behaviour.
Often requires the child in such situations also showing the (cast) parent respect the wishes and boundaries indicating the child.
That’s really the world upside down;
the child imagines suddenly above the parent.
Professional (youth) care providers should recognise this behaviour directly as a symptom of parental alienation.
The US clinical psychologist Dr Craig Childress, specialising in child and family therapy is adamant:
This behaviour is abnormal and unnatural.
According to him, a “normal” child never, never anything against one of the parents says.
The good and the bad parent.
But the bulk of the aid workers does not recognise this behaviour as a possible signal of parental alienation but sees it rather as a confirmation that the rejected parent is indeed the “wrong and bad” parent.
If the child hears time and time accusations in a confident way, then it must be true, they think.
Everyone thinks a child will not invent that kind of stuff about his own parent.
This is then confirmed by the custodial parent.
This seemingly nice, loving and concerned parent appears to have the very best for the child.
They say to do everything possible to move the child to the other parent, but – says the parent – the child refuse it and does not want it for yourself!
This parent has set itself with respect to the aid, authorities, and courts extremely cooperative on.
If the trajectories eventually fail is always to the other parent; you see that this is the wrong parent!
That “kind and loving” parent know successfully raising a smokescreen to aid workers and other stakeholders to distract from … especially himself.
According to Dr Childress, many of these parents’ behaviour is caused by narcissistic and borderline personality traits.
Narcissism as the basis of parental alienation.
Individuals with egomaniacal problems are not in a position to make notes; it is black or white, grey does not exist.
If his partner becomes an ex-partner, he can’t be a parent.
The former partner MUST be an ex-parent.
Being an ex-partner and being a parent can’t go together.
There is no alternative, says Childress.
The former partner cannot be a parent.
He/She can not play a role as a parent anymore and must be disabled.
Because of the sophisticated manipulation, the child will slowly but surely believe the allegations and emotions of the transferor and becomes convinced that the other parent is indeed a bad person.
The child will eventually want to have nothing to do anymore with that parent.
Personality problems cause parental alienation.
According to Dr. Childress, the behaviour of the transferor is no choice, but ‘forced’ because of the personality disorder.
These people are ruthless and do not care rules law, truth or reality and compassion they do not even know.
If it is necessary, they twist the truth or invent another reality.
No one is spared, not even the child.
In addition, the vendor uses allies. (Flying monkeys)
These are needed to achieve the ultimate goal: a complete shutdown of the ex-partner as a parent.
The main allay is the child.
Then the immediate environment such as family, schools and sports clubs, and then (youth) social workers, council workers, therapists, psychologists, special educators, lawyers, mediators, forensic experts, especially curators and judges.
The transferror manipulates everyone he/she needs to achieve his/her goal.
The grandiloquent person will use the power of the allies.
All attempts by the cast parent to protect the child from the transferor and aid workers and agencies to show the other side of the story, usually turn to nothing.
Often barely listened to the rejected parent.
All this evidence as being beaten in the wind on facts and objective evidence and sometimes even to use against the rejected parent.
Often judge rescuers – without any way to look at the facts –
Based on an impression, sense, or other vague argument and then usually choose, perhaps unconsciously, a party for the transferor.
To the despair of the rejected parent.
Knowledge parental alienation falls far too short.
These are not incidents.
Every day we read in the media about the increasing number of fights separations.
Parent-repudiation have a serious consequence.
More and therefore, more children eventually lose contact with a parent.
The stories of parents who experience this is all equally poignant and come to the same thing:
how the ‘system’ is the cause of losing their children by parental alienation is not acknowledged, let alone that there is adequate assistance.
Parental Alienation is not really new.
There’s still a serious shortage in the knowledge of the aid workers and other professionals.
Thousands of divorce children and their parents suffer because of their ignorance and often arrogance!
Based on their improper judgment or amateurish opinion, the court denies the rejected parent to deal with the child.
The judge recognises parental alienation as little and hides behind short-sighted and foolish arguments as “calm” and “in the best interests of the child”.
Parental Alienation does not stop at no dealings.
Denial of contact with the cast parent is an idiotic crumb.
The insecurity in the alienating parent persists because it does not stop the smear campaign against the outcast older, the (emotional) pain and suffering in the child missing the other parent do not go away, and the serious consequences for the child remain unchanged.
Experts all agree that parent-alienation is a form of mental child abuse.
Children often suffer for the rest of their lives the serious consequences in many areas.
There would have won the world like (youth) social workers and other professionals who work daily with children and would have parents in cases of separation thorough knowledge of parental alienation so that it is approved and appropriate and specialist help can be offered.
Which they are obliged to all those children and their parents.
The common goal should be to protect children in cases of separation for parental alienation to eliminate eventually all.
Are the solutions to build a life in that situation?
Knowledge is a powerful weapon in the fight against ignorance, not only to prevent someone is sure to ask whether a particular relationship exhibits egocentric traits.
Indeed, the shorter the relationship, the less the damage.
But the awareness that the phenomenon is worldwide and in all social strata occur helps to feel stronger because that solitude is broken.
Sharing experiences in a forum with others is also a mutual liberation.
Sharing your experiences with others, your availability helps to strengthen yourself.
But also learn the methods and share how to cure yourself of this persistent injuries and know how to deal with it and, nevertheless, continue your life is important to help people.
Contact experts to this issue partially processed and learn how to coach such people is a key to know if you want to help these people.
If you wish to keep abreast of this problem or your experience into coaching for people affected by a narcissist take contact with me on my profile on Facebook
Annemie Declercq is a driven poverty consultant for the sector Roeselare, Izegem Menen.
Therefore, they also meet regularly with these issues.
She has contact with these children when the consequences are later visible in the workplace.
Of course, the narcissist draws the map of the parent-repudiation while this is to his advantage.
When the problems themselves become apparent to the child, the child loses then this parent.
For more than 28 years Annemie works in the VDAB.
Meanwhile, she has studied for three years already at the Academy of Ghent towards ortho-pedagogy.
A few years ago, she asked for the annulment of her church wedding and could get it.
She is already five years of a foster parent.
Annemie has three own children including 2 of her in the last two years from their age of 18 have disowned her.
It is, therefore, more than 21 years of experience expert in these problems with narcissist parents.
If you have suggestions, comments or experiences,
please let me know what appealed most. You can make contact on my Facebook Profile.
With love xx
Annemie Persyn Declercq