Why People have so many problems with partner violence?

How to fix the partner violence in Flanders?

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” 

Ambrose Redmoon


The fundamental unit of society, the warm nest, the safe haven: the family looks like heaven on Earth.

Under that cornerstone is unfortunately often debris, it is freezing cold, the warm nest is the safe haven very threatening.

Thousands of girls and women are victims of domestic violence in our country.

Often we do not understand why empowered women last for years, and the violence there with no one dare to talk about it.

Kris Smet indicates this well in her book love with all violence“.

She expresses it out in the formula SgF = t.

S stands for shame,

G  stands  for guilt and

F stands for Fear = Taboo


For the violence of which they are victims because they think that

1. They provoke it themselves,

  1. That they are not a good wife or a mother,
  2. She says and does the things the wrong way,
  3. She is not pretty or intelligent enough.
  1. They have made the wrong choice,
  2. Because they let it happen,

3.  are humiliated,

  1. feel responsible,
  • are financially dependent,
  • are overwhelmed by conflicting feelings towards their partner.


That all things will come right again because after a violent eruption usually follow a message of regret and a quiet period.

They are often afraid

to provoke more violence,

  • to lose the children,
  • not to be believed,
  • their income to get rid of.

They fear revenge and stalking when they leave and are very unsure about the reactions from family and friends.

This violence leaves traces.

Not only victims and offenders experience negative consequences, but also those who indirectly involved.


he Belgian College of Prosecutors General uses the following definition:

Any form of physical, sexual, psychological or economic violence between spouses, cohabitants or persons who have cohabited and between whom a sustainable affective and sexual band exists or existed.

Partner violence includes a set of behaviours, actions, and attitudes of one of the (ex) partners that aim to control and dominate the other.

It includes physical, sexual and economic aggression, threats or acts of violence that can repeat and repeat itself or that the integrity of the other and even its socio-professional integration tarnish.

This violence affects not only the victim but also other family members, particularly the children.

It is a form of domestic violence.

Usually, the perpetrators are men, and the victims are women.

Violence in intimate relationships in the private sphere is the expression of the unequal power relations that in our society still exist between men and women ….

The big difference between partner violence and a banal quarrel ‘ homely ‘ is the power difference.

Each couple makes arguments. But when one of the two partners ever wants to be the boss and the other wants to verify under the thumb, and before that conflict and violence used, we speak of partner violence. (vzw zijn.be Partner violence)

According to the European Commission, the following is meant by intimate partner violence:

Intra-family violence is any compelling and/or intimidating behaviour, which exercised against a family or family member or (ex) intimate partner and accompanied by force or threat of violence and a long-lasting impact on the family or individuals in the family.

Partner violence is not a single fact, but often arises step by step.

Often it is difficult to determine when and exactly how it began.

Jealousy, checking your emails and phone calls,

they don’t let you go alone outside  …

It seems first maybe still innocent and sweet, but it may soon be much worse.

Therefore, one often speaks of a spiral of violence in intimate partner violence: periods of rest following periods of violence, and that violence is usually also getting worse.



Physical violence is the physical hurting of the victim, for example, hitting, kicking, to the hair-pulling, against the wall, throwing objects, with an object (attempt to) strangle…

But also prevent access to the property, locking up, put, leave at the door along the way.

This form of partner violence is most famous because the consequences are often visible in the way of bruises, burns, bruises, broken bones or other injuries.


Within partner-relationships comes psychological violence most often, according to the research of the Institute for the equality of women and men.

Moreover, this form of partner violence experienced by many victims as the worst form of abuse.

Psychological violence gradually undermines the normal functioning and the self-esteem of the victim by mental ill-treatment.

They may be humiliation, threats, forbidding contacts with family or acquaintances, ignore, constantly checking one’s doing, by mobile phone, mail or e-mail, the danger of suicide, deliberate destruction of belongings.

The continued threat posed by psychological violence is very significant and can seriously affect the emotional state of the victim in the short and long-term.


It remains a stubborn fable that sexual assault or rape within a relationship do not occur.

Like you’re in a relationship increasingly needs to be available and no longer should decide what you want to do.

Like you don’t have the right to say no as soon as you specify, a relationship is concerned.

Sexual violence includes both degrading sexual proposals as (attempted) forced sexual acts or touches, such as forced have sex with your partner or pipes, the forced undressing, sexual contacts that you do not want to be obliged or to be required to read or look porn reading material or video porno.

All this is more common than you think, but victims often remain silent out of loyalty, fear, shame or ignorance about the punish ability of it.

The consequences of sexual violence by the partner can be just as tragic as that of a sexual assault by a stranger.

The trust in others and yourself is violated. Some victims are still long struggling with feelings of anger, shame or insecurity.


Money can also be used as a weapon in a relationship.

The Perpetrators of an economic abuse check the household expenditure in detail,

prevent their victims from a private job or income or take away their money.

This keeps the victim utterly dependent on the partner, and it becomes even harder to escape domestic violence.


Marleen Temmerman, Associate Professor Gynecology-obstetrics you Ghent and Director at the World Health Organization, claims that one woman in three at some point in her life has to do with physical or sexual violence

According to a survey conducted by the European Commission are 62 million European women are victims of domestic violence.

The figures for the Member States of the European Union range from a woman at three to one a week.

Those figures only go about partner violence.

About child abuse, incest, and violence against older women – other types of domestic violence – there are a lot of lesser data. 600 women die every year in Europe as a result of sexual brutality.

Worldwide, 70 per cent of women faced with physical, psychological or sexual violence.

UN Women, UN Department for the promotion of gender equality and women’s emancipation, speaks of an epidemic on a global scale.


Then stood the world on its head. Scientists and politicians worldwide would rise over the issue and would be taken to drastic measures to restrict that.

Critical analysis with attention to recommendations at a micro, mega, macro level.

If there is no first help offered, no one will emancipate, claims John Wagner.

She is head of the Federal focal point Violence on women.

Combating violence between partners is the responsibility of the different agencies and levels of authority in Belgium.

The Federal State, the Flemish community, the French Community, the German-speaking Community, the Walloon Region and the Brussels-capital region: wear it at all.

Also, the police, the public prosecutor’s office and the judiciary, the medical sector, the assistance, education, and coordinating bodies play an essential role in addressing partner violence.

That empowerment makes the fight against one of the most significant social ills any easier.

The Federal focal point Violence on women has a specific mandate to coordinate all actions of all Governments in Belgium.

To this end, a global action plan was drawn up around partner violence and other forms of violence because of gender or orientation.

The focal point shall evaluate the actions and examines criticism of the policy, to better the approach.


Various institutions and organisations in Flanders are working on partner violence, such as the Caws and the flight houses.

The police have a specific directive, the legislation is there.

But bringing all those organisations together is still a big problem.

For example, to get the police is still too little referred to the “CAW” (centre for family) and the “CAW” in turn does not always give information to the police.

It is a Kafkaesque situation.

A victim looking for help should go in person to ten different organisations and tell over and over again the painful story.

This means very difficult for the victims, and the consequence is, they quit the process.

In domestic violence, an average of six different organisations working with one family, and they are not talking with each other.

To remedy this lack of coordination, that is currently the biggest challenge in Belgium.

Victims should take the initiative in Flanders.

The victims must start themselves the process to go seeking for guidance, but it doesn’t work this way.

The Caw is advised from a central focal point in the Flemish community.

But it is just an opinion. Each CAW has its own approach.

There is a big difference between Wallonia and Flanders in the approach.


Wallonia has an extra phone line exclusively for partner violence, Flanders has not.

In Flanders, the number 1712 works only during office hours, it is an average number of the Caws.

The people listened and referred to the assistance that is not readily available.

On 11 September 2012, Belgium signed the Council of Europe Convention on the prevention and combating of violence against women and domestic violence, also called the Treaty of Istanbul called.

Our country should implement to do some new measures.

The aid is supposed to be free.

The Federal focal point Violence on women working on a risk assessment system:

Assessing the risks to be able to take the appropriate measures.

It is intended for doctors, police, justice, public prosecutors ‘ offices and schools.

Conclusion: collaboration is the most important. One service alone cannot solve.

No victim can take responsibility for them.

If there is no first help offered, no one will emancipate.

I would like to answer your comments, suggestions, and comments in the comments section below.

Preferred Weapon of a Person with Narcissism

Gepubliceerd door Annemie Declercq

Annemie is in het bezit van een Bachelor diploma in Orthopedagogie dat ze heeft behaald aan de Hogeschool Gent. Ze heeft een passie voor het bouwen van groepsluiken werkwelzijn en het gebruikmaken van de goedstoel-methodiek en presentie. Ze werkt al vele jaren in de VDAB om mensen te helpen werk te vinden en te behouden. Ze houdt van fietsen, boeken, schrijven, wandelen en muziek luisteren. Annemie Declercq is moeder van 3 kinderen, grootmoeder pleegmoeder, plusmama, armoede consulent en orthopedagoge. Ze werkt 33 jaar in de VDAB in Roeselare. Ervaringsdeskundige narcistisch misbruik en zelfgenezer van trauma.

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